Dr. Happy is in School massaging the Headteacher’s ego. The new happiness initiative has resulted in all staff being 13.33% happier than they were before Dr. Happy had come to work with the school. The happyometer ‘nipple effect’ had made them all laugh on the first day, though to many it seemed a sinister development. “You must not wait to be happy at the weekend!” said the Doctor, “You must be happy at work because work is happiness!” The first thing Dr Happy introduced was a demand that all had to smile at anyone who came within two metres of their personage, this was tested by attaching large hoops to tall top hats that members of staff were required to wear on their heads, when people came into ‘your loop’ you had to flash a Gordon Brown smile at them. Wide corridors instantly became happy places, whilst dismal narrow and dark corridors were full of miserable staff running away from Dr. Happy.
Monday morning was the biggest challenge. The Head teacher had to acquire a sickly rictus grin and seemingly the best way to ensure this happened was either by chemical inducements or massage. The Head preferred the human touch. This massage showed 16 percent improvement in the Head teacher’s capacity to grin and bear it and this transformed the staff, most of whom were behind the bike sheds giggling on their first joint of the week.
Some of the other members of staff had promised never to smile until Christmas and the one who said he would never be happy until he left this effing place had dropped dead at his retirement do.
Every member of staff had to write down ten things they appreciated about working at the school, those who couldn’t write ten were made redundant. This ensured the happiness quotient was high with those that remained.
As he left with cheque in hand, Dr Happy’s last words to the school were: “Teachers are hugely stressed, especially in rubbish state schools, we are constantly amazed at how worn out they are by the constant pressure of having to be happy. Positive psychology is about being your best happy clappy chappy and chappessy… let’s all laugh!” At this point a chorus of HA HA HAs was demanded from all staff and a conga formed behind Dr Happy… “Keep taking the happy pills!” he shouted as he was pushed into the river…
The Conga had turned nasty and, paradoxically, the staff seemed happier.
The above is based on this article from the Telegraph